Project 2
Student id: s25
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<DOC>
<docHead>
<!--required header includes metadata about the assignment (title, author, version)-->
<title>Writing Project 2</title>
<author xml:id="s25">Leo Stolov</author>
<version n="1" date="2016-08-01"/>
</docHead>
<cover_letter>
<header>
<name>Leo Stolov</name>
<contact_info>
<!-- One or More Contact -->
<contact type="address">606 Columbus Ave #3R Boston, MA 02118</contact>
<contact type="phone"> 860-519-9771 </contact>
<contact type="email"> stolov.l@husky.neu.edu </contact>
</contact_info>
</header>
<greeting>Dear Joshua Elvander,</greeting>
<intro_para>
<intent type="purpose">I am writing to express my interest in the mechanical engineering
fall internship position, which I found through Northeastern's co-op
network.</intent>
<reason> I am approaching my fourth year as a BS/MS candidate for Mechanical Engineering
with a concentration in Mechatronics and am eager to gain more hands-on experience
in new industries.</reason>
<proposition>I believe my previous experience and passion for automation and
interdisciplinary work make me an ideal candidate for this role.<note
type="instructor" resp="#kgs">great opening paragraph</note></proposition>
</intro_para>
<para_background>
<experience type="work">During my time at Portal Instruments, another start up in the
area, I worked on a <accomplishments>complex electromechanical assembly, which was
later used as a in <note type="instructor" resp="#kgs">something awry
here?</note>human studies for a needle-free drug delivery
device.</accomplishments> This project involved a lot of independent
<skills>design, fabrication, and testing,</skills> which I believe is not unlike
the work I would be doing at Piaggio.<note type="instructor" resp="#kgs">could be a
little stronger here (note the unneccesary double negative here "not
unlike"</note> At my last co-op at Bio-Rad, <accomplishments>I worked mostly
independently on a piece of automation equipment, meant to automate a complex
manufacturing process of a DNA sequencing consumable.</accomplishments> This
involved the integration of <skills>mechanical, electrical, and software
disciplines</skills>. Specifically, this meant extensive experience with
<skills>CAD design of precision parts, wiring,</skills> and
<programs>programming a TRIO motion controller.</programs></experience>
</para_background>
<para_background>
<experience type="personal">In addition to my work experience, I also participate in
AIAA, where I have begun to help with the <skills>mechanical design of an RC plane
as well as the electrical and software implementation of several
components.</skills> This involves more <skills>Solidworks design, as well as
learning how to read various sensors such as altimeters and gyroscopes using an
Arduino.</skills></experience>
</para_background>
<closing_statements>
<compatability> My previous supervisors have described me as a self motivated worker
with an eagerness to learn,<note type="instructor" resp="#kgs">I really like this
move</note> which I believe would make me a great fit for the start up
environment of Piaggio.</compatability>
<next_step>I would appreciate an opportunity to meet with you to discuss my
qualifications in further detail. </next_step>
<acknowledgment>Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to speaking with
you soon.<note type="instructor" resp="#kgs">really nice closing
paragraph</note></acknowledgment>
</closing_statements>
<signature>
<salutation>Sincerely,</salutation>
<name>Leo Stolov</name>
</signature>
</cover_letter>
<docReview>
<reviewer type="peer" xml:id="s23"/>
<report type="peer" resp="#s23">
<!-- writers_memo> 1) What is going well? The cover letter is not too difficult of a document to
write, and its seem to have a fairly decent flow at this point. I am pretty satisfied with
my intro and closing paragraph. 2) What has been difficult so far? I have found it difficult
to try to figure out what to include and not include about myself, as well as the level of
detail I should be elaborating on my experiences. I have always had a challenging time
talking about myself, so the background paragraph has probably been the most difficult.
3)Where are you in your process? I have completed a draft which I would be ok with sending
to the company if I had to, but I would like to add more information and possibly refine
some of my vocabulary and sentence structure. 4) Specific areas/aspects of the draft (2-3)
The background paragraph is the most important part of the document in my opinion, so I
would like to focus on improving or adding upon it. Many, if not most of the cover letters
we looked at had two paragraphs for this part so it might make sense to try to add one. </writers_memo -->
<p>This cover letter conveys interest in a fall internship position at a engineering
start up at Piaggio. The writer emphasises his experience in electromechanical
assemblies and automation as well as his willingness and drive to learn through
hands on work.</p>
<p>I agree that your introductory and closing paragraphs are both very strong and
probably don't need much editting. They work really well in conveying what you want
and what your strengths are. The only recommendation I might make would be to
mention the company name in your first sentence. This seems to be convention in
cover letters, and it will clarify exactly what job you're writing this letter
for.</p>
<p>I also agree that your background paragraph(s) should be developed a little further.
I think it would be worth it to dedicate a paragraph to each of your co-ops; or
atleast one paragraph for both your co-ops and one for AIAA (which should probably
be spelled out because I don't know what exactly it is). I think that between these
three different experiences you've probably gained a lot of skills and made a lot of
accomplishments. This is your opportunity to expand upon your experiences more than
just listing what they were like in your resume. The manager you are writing to is
definitely going to have experience with automation, design, electronics,
software,etc. especially at a start up like Piaggo is. If you can talk about at
least one major skill that you learned or one major accomplishment that you achieved
at each co-op and in AIAA then it is probably a safe bet that the manager will have
questions for you about it. It will be a method of selling your skills and
qualifications in your cover letter, setting yourself apart from other applicants,
as well as having some control/influence over the interview conversation before you
even get there. If there are specific engineering/automation programs that you have
learned to use, that would probably be helpful to mention as well, because it would
be one less thing you would have to learn for a job at Piaggo.</p>
<p>Overall, I think you have a great set up for a cover letter, and very effective
introduction and closing paragraphs. With more details about your experience and
qualifications I'd say you are all set. You followed and took advantage of most of
the elements in our schema very effectively. Reading through your cover letter made
me notice that we could probably have included more sub elements under "experience"
to guide the writer through what to include in experience paragraphs. Maybe we can
consider breaking down 'experience' into sub elements like 'skills' 'certifications'
'accomplishments' 'projects, or something along those lines. </p>
</report>
<reviewer type="instructor" xml:id="kgs"/>
<report type="instructor" resp="#kgs">
<p>It looks like you got a great peer review from Monica and your revised draft looks
really strong. Your specificity w/r/t to both your own experience/skills and your
potential fit with the company represent the genre very well (from how I understand
it from your group presentation). Really nice work, I would say this looks good to
send save a few minor corrections I note above..</p>
</report>
</docReview>
</DOC>